Passive-Aggressive Smiley Faces

I have a complaint against smiley faces. Not the ones that my mom puts in my birthday cards or the huge ones at Wal-Mart. No, these are the ones that are masters of disguise. They masquerade as a pleasant end to a sentence, but really they are caustic, mixing symbols of kindness and intentions of meanness together in a great passive-aggressive cluster of annoyance.

Here are some of my recent real-life examples:

Me: Assignment X is unclear in the syllabus because of .... Could you explain it a bit more to me?
Professor #1: Please refer to your syllabus. :)
Meaning: I did not take the time to fully read your question, so I don't understand that you already went through the syllabus and still have a question. I will pretend to answer your question without giving you an answer,  put a nice little smiley face on the end of my statement to add an air of lightheartedness, showing that I am a kind, nice person, and in the end, make you have to re-ask the question because I did not answer it the first time. :)

Me: The class I was hoping to enroll in for the next term has been cancelled. Do you have any recommendations for taking this course?
Professor #2: Please enroll in GIS.
Me: I am unfamiliar with GIS. Could you provide me more information, please?
Professor #2: Please enroll in GIS: Graduate Independent Study. :)
Meaning: I am incredibly busy and do not have time to fully explain the acronyms we use at this school. It is unfortunate that you do not understand, but I will go ahead and make you feel out of the loop while I stoop to explain the simplistic acronyms you should already know. But of course, I'm happy to help. :)

Other examples could include the following:

- Looks like you get to work every major holiday this next year. :)
- Next time, remember to not use peanuts. I'm still allergic. :)
- I'm actually not your biological mother. :)
- You look just like Cher. :)

I did just find out it's reason #59 to be socially responsible in punching someone in the face, so I feel justified.

And here's the perfect comic from toothpastefordinner.com: